New Beginnings.

Sometimes things don’t turn out how you expect them to. And sometimes you learn the hard way that those things you’ve spent so much time and energy wanting and pursuing, most are in fact not good for you.

“It’s okay to make mistakes.”

It’s what we hear all the time- at least, it’s what I hear all the time. And that’s all well and grand but at the end of the day those are just words. They ring true- Mistakes are not negative things; you can learn a lot from them. You shouldn’t waste your life dwelling on things that you can’t change. Pick yourself up and keep moving forward.

But no one ever talks about how difficult that really is. The process of pulling yourself back together after your world and everything that you have spent so much of your life building, comes crashing down. The wealth of emotions that you’re hit with can consume you if you aren’t vigilant- which, let’s face it, most of us aren’t. Strong emotions are often looked at as weaknesses and as a result we find more and more people ‘sweeping them under the rug’ and letting them fester. It’s unhealthy and counterproductive. We spend so much time worrying about what we look like to the outside world that we forget to take care of ourselves. Essentially, Social impressions vs Self care.

I’ve always know who I was and what I wanted. I’ve been in control of my life and my decisions for as long as I can remember. I’ve been called ‘perfect’ more times than  I’d like to admit. It’s the furthest thing from the truth. I am human. And I had forgotten that. I spent so much of my time being the perfect, overachieving daughter that I forgot to be human. And eventually, life stepped in to remind me of that.

This past year was the worst and best of my life. My perfectly constructed bubble burst. And after months of trying, and failing, to duct-tape it back together, I finally decided it was time to let go.

If I was going to fail, I was going to do it fabulously– with style and flair.                             (Let’s just say I road tripped across country because, why not?)

But now I’m back as zero with no idea of what I want and how to get it. What’s next? What do I want? Why do I want it? I don’t know yet. And that scared the life out of me. I’ve never not known what I want to do with my life. I had a plan. And it was a good one. What now?

It is okay to make mistakes. I stand by that statement- mistakes are necessary in life. I just wish there was also a manual to go with it that explains what comes next. After your life falls apart, how to you rebuild?

It’s been 3 months and I’m still no closer to an answer. I guess we’ll find out.

Stay tuned.

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